Chocolate Covered Bacon

Delusion 

de•lu•sion 

dəˈlo͞oZHən 

noun

an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.

One of the problems with being bipolar, at least with regard to my flavor, is that it is filled with delusions. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar II my counselor told me the difference between Bipolar I (what we used to call Manic Depression) and Bipolar II is that if you are Bipolar I you walk down the street buck naked thinking you are Jesus Christ. Personally, I’ve never thought I was Jesus Christ.

For me, being delusional came with being bipolar. Had my bipolarity been more severe, those delusions would have turned up as psychosis. Instead, they would in my teenage years manifest themselves as paranoia, and later in my early adult years as delusions of grandeur. I remember coming up with many get-rich-quick schemes or business schemes, or plans for ministry. In my mind each plan was well thought out, and made perfect sense. However, to the rational person not one of my ideas was well-founded. One example would be when I decided to take out a $30,000 loan so I could attend computer school and become an IT expert. The problem was that while I was and am an intelligent person, I did not possess that aptitude for computers, computer networking, or network security, all of which were part of the program in which I was wishing to participate. Nevertheless – and keep in mind that this was all before my diagnosis – I managed to talk my mother into co-signing for the loan, and began taking classes. Less than a month later I was in deep water, so deep in fact that I was overwhelmed by the massive amounts new information thrown at me. So I quit. That’s what bipolar people often do when they can’t move on. They leave the task unfinished, which was for me just one of many.

 One of my more recent delusions happened a few months ago when I started working a third shift job. Although I had worked third shift in the past, it had been many years since I tried adapting to an overnight work schedule. My entire daytime routine was thrown off balance, and within days of starting the job I was forgetting on a fairly regular basis to take my medication. When I did remember to take my meds, my mind and my body did not know what to do with them. Consequently, I began to spiral back into the old bipolar me. Within days I became depressed. Suicidal thoughts began to creep back in, and I got the most delusional idea for a business scheme I had come up with in a long time: I would get rich making and shipping chocolate covered bacon. 

Before you think me too crazy, you need to realize that while the idea sounds far-fetched, it is not without precedent or merit. Bacon is extremely popular, as is chocolate, and the combination of the two is being done to this day. Also keep in mind that I am a very good cook, and in some people’s opinion qualify to be called a chef. Armed with my culinary knowledge and years of experience in the kitchen, I decided to make an experimental batch of chocolate covered bacon and see how it tasted. To my surprise, and the surprise of a few members of my family, it turned out delicious. I posted pictures of my product on Facebook, and declared myself open for business which netted me two orders totaling over $100. But that was during the holiday season, and as quickly as business took off, it dried up.

 To make a long story short, I decided to make a more concerted effort to take my medication on a daily basis, and I quit the third shift job. Slowly I began to see the idea for chocolate covered bacon for what it was, a delusion. I never did make millions by shipping chocolate covered bacon overseas to the millions of people in China like I had planned, nor do I even make it for my family anymore. In fact, I can’t stand the stuff anymore having eaten more of it than anyone else. Had you told me in the beginning that I was being delusional, I would have argued with you and tried to convince you that you lacked vision for good ideas. On this side of the delusion, however, it is plain to see that it was all a crazy scheme.